Stop Settling in Your Relationship(s)

So here's the story: You're hardly ever single, so you don't truly know what being single feels like. Or you ARE single, but you have a 'whenever I need him', 'we just kicking it' guy. You find a man that drops you a few compliments, takes you on a date or two, texts you good morning, and you fall head-over-heels for him within about a weeks time, but you're still not official. Then, after a few weeks you start to just feel "okay" in your situationship. Sometimes you're happy.. sometimes you're pissed off, you're constantly wondering "what if", or comparing your situation to your friends relationships. You just don't understand. Like, why are they always on "cloud nine"? Why they always making their relationship 'seem' like it's good? Who gets in real relationships anymore unless you're trying to get married? That's not real life.. is it?

Are you really okay with being just the friend with benefits he/she hangs out with when it's convenient? Do you not get angry when he/she flirts with other people in your presence? You ever get tired of wondering if this 'situation' is actually going anywhere at all? If anything I just said describes any aspect of your relationships, then this might be worth reading for you.

Chances are, you are settling into something that seemed to work at first, but after really getting into the relationship you aren't at your happiest you could be if you didn't settle. You have fallen into this trap and now you can't get out of it because you're in too deep. You've done it. I've done it. We have ALL done it. However, YOU DESERVE BETTER. No one should have to settle in a relationship because settling leads to regret. Not sure if you're settling? Here's a few signs that you are.

1. You constantly make excuses for him to your friends/family.
2.  You want to change him or think you can change him.
3. You're afraid that if you leave, you won't find anyone better.
4. You HATE being alone, so you feel it's better if you stay.
5. You're the only person willing to compromise.
6. You have a wandering eye and often wonder 'what if' when it comes to other partners.

Now, these are just a FEW signs that you're settling, but there could be many more. Ladies, this has to stop. STOP. However, if this is you, please don't feel bad because I, as well as many other women, used to be in your shoes. Sometimes it is hard to ignore what your mind is telling you when your heart is beating so loud. Some of us are just loving people with big hearts and when we care, we really care. So I get it y'all! My long-time friends can tell you; I used to ALWAYS have a boyfriend. I would fall way too quickly and make constant excuses for why they weren't really there for me. I always thought, "the relationship is still fresh, he's still figuring things out. He will start caring more or showing me he cares more.. it just takes guys longer than females." BS LADIES... BS! Men who truly care will not have any problem showing you he cares. REAL men will profess their love for you to anyone who asks and when the relationship is fresh, he will go out of his way to show he cares, even if he hasn't quite figured out whether or not it is love.

As for changing a man, baby girl you can't. No matter what you've been told before or how many female super powers you have, you CANNOT change a man. You knew who he was before you got with him, so why is he not good enough for you now? He talks to you the same way he did in the beginning, still doesn't help out around the house, still doesn't take you out... but it was okay in the beginning. You let it slide, right? It's honestly not fair to a man to think you can change him. If you notice things in the beginning that are deal breakers for you, DON'T ignore it. Stop thinking you can change a grown man because you just can't. Nothing and no one will change him if he doesn't want to change. No baby, no ring, no elaborate wedding, no nothing. You'll look up in a few years and feel lost and you can't get those years back, so just stop love.. please. I'm telling you this because I have been there, and I don't like seeing Queens settling and/or being taken advantage of, and then turned off from love. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved, so don't let unrealistic expectations of one man ruin love for you. Move on and find someone else!

So ladies, the bottom line is that when a relationship is not working out, the thought of letting go can be HARD. Not only hard, but scary, especially if you're used to always being with someone. Making the decision to let go of a sinking relationship can take you through a wave of crazy emotions that you may not be ready for, however, I encourage you to do yourself a favor and LET. IT. GO. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll feel better and you truly deserve better, so grab a hold of some courage and make a change for yourself. You'll be glad you did. :)

Thank you for reading loves. xo


  1. I wish my 19 year old self would've known this. Great post!

  2. Good read and great advice!

  3. Jerome3/11/2017

    I'm TRIGGERED!! I had to stop reading after sentence 2 and take a break lol AWESOME read. Thanks for sharing

  4. You have no idea how on time this is for me. I'm currently trying to figure out a situationship myself and it's beyond frustrating. This really helped me put A LOT into prospective. Thanks lady!

    1. I'm so glad this post could help you! Sometimes we need someone to remind us of what our subconscious self already knows! ;) xo

  5. These are some great tips! Dang! Keeping it too real.


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