4.21.2017

Love and Marriage | The Truth by Marcus J


Hey lovelies, Happy Friday! :-)

So, I promised you guys I would bring my husband back to TJE and I really try to keep my promises. Even though he doesn't always cooperate with me, I have finally been able to recruit my husband once again to share his unedited thoughts here on TJE. This time, I asked him to write the TRUTH (in his opinion) about marriage. A lot of times, when we are seeking advice about marriage we hear the story books answers, but we all know that isn't always the case. We can always count on Marcus to keep it 100 in all things, so I thought this would be a perfect addition to my #loveandmarriage series.
 

So once again, DISCLAIMER: this is ALL HIM. I had nothing to do with this post. Do not hold me accountable if he says anything crazy! HA! :)

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So the questions came up, "What is the truth about marriage?", "What are some of the things that people just don't tell you?".



Well, I'd say that it's really simple when it comes to the truth about marriage. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or mathematician to figure it out. First, let me point out one of the main things people always tell me: "Once you find out that she is always right, you have it solved. Fellas, it's no point in arguing or trying to give your rational explanation, because it doesn't matter lol. She is always right." Well... that's what everyone tells you, but I'm sad to say (not really) that's only partially true. The good folks we have been listening to all of these years left a few things out. [Jam interjection: notice he said they left a few things out.. meaning the understanding that the woman is always right IS the truth! Just not the whole truth! Haha okay, carry on.]

So here's a list of some of the real truths that I have come to learn, and the advice I like to give when people ask me about marriage:

1. The most important rule is COMPROMISE.
A marriage can never be one sided. Some things you will have to just learn to bend on. So pick your battles wisely. Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war. War meaning your marriage.

2. Don't get married if you're planning your exit strategy.
Marriage should be something you're committed to from the beginning, and if you're having bad thoughts going in, it's probably not going to work lol (just saying).

3. Communication.
I have seen so many couples fail because they just stop talking. Yes, you have to check in with each other when you're apart. Not because one person runs the relationship, but because you respect each other and you are respecting the household you are building.

4. SEX.
This is essential to keeping the marriage running. Ladies, you being tired is not an excuse. [insert Jam eye roll here.] If you want to stay married, then I suggest that you keep this at the front of your mind. I really think this should be the golden rule of marriage lol. 

5. Respect.
In order for your marriage to last you have to have respect for each other. Value each other's opinions and thoughts because each of you will have completely different perspectives on how to approach situations. I respect and learn from Jamaria all the time and vice versa.


6. Don't make it more COMPLICATED than it has to be.
I see it so many times. People get married, and then all of a sudden things start to change. If you marry your best friend and everything was smooth sailing before you got married, don't let the title of husband and wife change your dynamics with each other. Remember, that's your best friend!  

7. Everyday isn't going to be happily ever after.
Some days y'all just are not going to click and that's okay. One thing to always remember is make sure to fight fair and never go to bed on bad terms. I don't believe in sleeping on no damn couch. I paid for the bed too, so I'm sleeping in it. Whatever issues we have during the day, guess what? Before we go to sleep, we are talking about it because I'm sleeping in this bed too. [Okay.. this one tickled me y'all! Haha but he's telling the truth! We both sleeping in that bed!]
 
8. Keep God in the center.
This is pretty self explanatory. I probably should have had this one listed a little higher up in my list, but y'all bear with me as I'm no blogger so I'm just writing as things pop in my head. Anyway, you definitely have be anchored in the source to get you through the journey of marriage.

9. Marriage is WORK. [work, work, work, work, work *Rihanna voice*]
I know everybody loves "Black Love" and "Relationship goals" etc., but just know that with anything, including marriage, nothing worth having comes easy. Everybody wants the "relationship goals", but few are willing to really put the work in. It takes a lot of work and commitment from each person in it for the relationship to work.

10. Set Goals.
Whether it's financial goals, spiritual goals, or having kids, set them together and work towards them together. You have to have a road map for where you want your marriage to go and writing them down and talking through them makes you want to achieve them faster (or at least that's how it is for me).



So, there's my top ten and I'm sure if I felt like it, I could come up with more. Don't just believe the hype about her being right all the time being the key to a lasting marriage because if it was that simple, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high lol, I'm just saying. Marriage is work, but it truly is a beautiful thing if your committed to the process. The truth about marriage is there isn't one thing or one person that makes it work. It is a joint effort and takes lots of sex work to make it last! [He is crazy y'all lol]

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Okay guys, so there it is! The "Marcus J Truth" about marriage! I agree with pretty much everything my husband has said and although I know that every relationship is different, I believe he highlighted some pretty important details that can apply to many different relationships and people dynamics. I'm proud! haha

To all of my married people out there, what's something you learned from experience that no one told you going into marriage? Drop me a comment below and let me know! 

Thank you so much for reading! xo

5 comments:

  1. The different mood swings.

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    1. Very true! We both can be extra moody sometimes and just want to be left alone.

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  2. Hi Jamaria/Marcus,

    I love this post and the honest truth. I'm not married yet, but my boyfriend and I have discussed it. This list definitely makes a lot of sense as Marcus said it's not rocket science. I agree if there are doubts going in, then one probably shouldn't get married. I really like your blog and would love to see more relationship posts. Have a great weekend!

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    1. Hi there!

      I'm so glad you enjoyed this post & thank you so much for supporting TJE! Stay tuned for more relationship posts coming your way soon! :)

      Good luck to you and your boyfriend, I'm glad you guys have been talking about these things early. xoxo

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